A Self-love Journey

Self-love isn't just about the physical self-care. It's also the emotional care, upholding boundaries, and learning to be compassionate with yourself.

Up until my 30s (I'm 34 now), I couldn't really say I loved myself

I was so focused on loving others that I held little compassion for myself

I didn’t realize I was doing it - holding myself to a greater standard to the point that any mistake was met with self-criticism and self-blame

How many of you have been there? Trying to take on all the weight

Afraid that if you mess up even a little bit, everything else will fall apart

This over-responsibility looked good on the outside - I was always there to help, always offering of myself, always kind

I was quick to brush aside another’s misstep, forgive their harshness (worse, sometimes I’d take it on as my fault), yet I didn’t give myself that same grace

I ask myself sometimes: can I love myself even when it’s inconvenient?

I suppose I thought self-love was an innate thing… it should be, but then we can confuse what love looks like as we grow up

We think it means bending to another’s will and desires

We think it means keeping the peace, no matter the cost 

We think it means being the nice one

We think it means people never getting mad at us 

I’ve learned to love myself this year in a way I’ve never loved myself.

I’ve loved the ugly parts that I didn’t want anyone to see. Letting her be seen, letting her speak, letting her squirm with the discomfort of finally getting some time and light

It wasn’t easy. I had to choose again and again to speak past the lump in my throat

I had to choose to honor my need for space

I had to choose not being understood by others and being okay with it 

I had to choose…

Showing up for myself when my mind begged me to look away from the parts I’d kept hidden even from myself

Here’s the thing about love, especially self-love

It’s inconvenient 

It’s sacrificial… but not in the way we’ve been taught

We will sometimes need to sacrifice perfectionism

We will sometimes need to sacrifice being liked

We will sometimes need to sacrifice (lay down) our knee-jerk reaction to repress the things we don’t like

We will need to lay down the weapons we’ve picked up and turned upon ourselves

Lay to rest the self-criticism, the demands for perfection, the need for external validation

And finally

Do the harder thing of remembering

As much as we think we can love others without loving ourselves

The truth is our love will never reach its full potential or its deepest purity 

Unless we can love ourselves

Your truest self is begging for your love

So here’s the call to learn to love yourself first. To love yourself deeply. To love yourself the way you have loved others (with grace, understanding, and a willingness to meet your own shadows).

With Love,

Nino

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